“I raised my voice at her and she was like, ‘I don’t like it when you raise your voice. Why did you raise your voice?’ And I got so defensive,” he explained during a recent appearance on the “Man Enough” podcast. “I was like, ‘I wasn’t raising my voice at you!’ And I did raise my voice at her. And I felt her shrink and I felt me grow and I was like, ‘Oh god, this is the worst.’ I’m so terrified of being evil. I’m so scared to be bad. Maybe there even is bad inside of me, and I have to just accept that.”
The “Mercy” crooner continued, “That other part of me, he’s just got to be here and we’ve just got to work together until eventually he gets worked in all of the trauma and all of the kinks get rubbed out of him and he’s OK. But I can’t avoid the fact that there’s a little bit of darkness inside of me and letting that darkness kind of be present is a horrible feeling.”
Mendes added that eventually, he and Cabello had a “massive conversation” and talked everything out, but he also admitted that he played victim instead of apologizing at first.
“I made it about my evil and my fear, and she comforted me,” he said. “And then it took me like 20 minutes of us separately reading our books to be able to come back to her and be like, ‘God, that was a whole thing and I’m really sorry.'”
This Isn’t The First Time Shawn Mendes Has Discussed His Mental Health Issues
It turns out, this isn’t the first time the pop star has spoken out about his mental health issues. Back in 2018 when he released his song “In My Blood,” he revealed that it was inspired by his battle with anxiety.
“It was kind of something that hit me within the last year. Before that, growing up, I was a pretty calm kid, super steady,” he said. “I knew people who had suffered from anxiety and found it kind of hard to understand, but then when it hits you, you’re like, ‘Oh my God, what is this? This is crazy.’ That song is complete truth and the best thing about it is, it’s not all down. The whole reason I wrote this song was to be like, at the end, ‘It’s not in my blood to do that.’”
He also later explained that publicly talking about his anxiety helped him a lot.
“Talking about the problem, putting it out there, was one of the scariest but most important things I’ve ever done,” he told People Magazine. “Just doing that helped me the most. I still struggle with it but just remember every day that everyone deals with some level of anxiety or pressure; we’re all in it together.”
He even revealed that his anxiety got so bad at one point, he almost lost his ability to sing.
“I had a moment at the end of January when my body would not allow me to sing,” Mendes explained during an interview with The Guardian. “I physically couldn’t sing because of my anxiety to have a successful album. The fear strangled me and literally stopped me being able to sing. It was a month before I felt like I was taking the first step. I really fell down. I came extremely close [to quitting the industry]. Extremely, extremely close. [But] I realized it’s not the industry, it’s the way I do the industry. I let the industry control what I do, rather than me controlling my life.”
While chatting with the outlet, the 22-year-old admitted that he decided to seek professional help, and that it helped changed his outlook a lot.
“It is a psychological head-f**k. It completely is, and that’s after three therapists and 55 self-help books plus meditation and exercise and life experience and all of the things I’ve been working through for the last year and a half,” he said. “When you have been given the wave, you have to ride it. If you asked 15-year-old Shawn what it is to be majorly successful, he would have said to have a couple of big songs and play shows in front of lots of people. Well I’ve had more than a couple of big songs and it is amazing, but happiness definitely isn’t spawned from that. Happiness is spawned from human connection and falling in love and being there for your sister’s birthday and having close friends, not just playing shows in front of 50,000 people. Happiness doesn’t lie at the end of a crazy long train ride. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to sell out a stadium. But now I understand that it doesn’t bring you fulfilment.”
Mendes explained that after he had so much anxiety over making his latest album, Wonder, which came out on December 4, 2020, he started to question everything.
“I asked myself: why is it so valuable to me to be such a successful musician? Is success just something that feeds my ego or is it really great? And I found it was something that was feeding my ego, and I just wasn’t going to feed that any more. The more success you have, the more fearful you are of losing it, so you become desperate,” he admitted. “Being famous is crazy, it’s absurd. Having millions of people worldwide praise you and paparazzi follow you and show up at your front door every day while you’re trying to have a coffee is ridiculous.”
The 22-year-old also spoke out about how it effected his relationship with Cabello in November 2020. He explained, “I went through a month where I couldn’t really even communicate with her because I was struggling with anxiety, and I didn’t want her to see me weak. I was on the verge of ruining our relationship.”
Eventually, he was able to open up to her and it saved their relationship just in the nick of time.
“When you come out on the other end, and you’re like, ‘Listen, I’m struggling here. It’s hard for me to even say this to you’ … and everything starts building and growing and getting stronger, and the roots fortify,” he added. “You cannot be the best version of a son or a brother or a boyfriend or a friend to anybody if you’re not constantly there for you, and you’re watching out for you, and you’re checking in on your heart and your space and your energy.”
Shawn Mendes And Camila Cabello Are Total Couple Goals
Despite their recent fight, make a pretty cute couple together. For those who missed it, the pair’s relationship actually dates all the way back to 2014, although they didn’t start dating until years later. That’s right, the two stars first met while they were both on tour with Austin Mahone, but at the time, they were only friends. In 2015, the two stars teamed up for a new song together called “I Know What You Did Last Summer.” And according to Cabello, feelings started to develop between them after that, but they weren’t ready to date just yet.
“During ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer,’ I really bonded with him as more than a friend. I think he did, too, but we were both really young, and he was experiencing the pressures of his career,” she told RollingStone Magazine. “I don’t think we knew what to do with those feelings. It was this awkward thing where we both liked each other, but we weren’t together. It was just weird. An energy was there from the beginning, but after that song, we didn’t spend as much time together. Our paths just didn’t cross in that way romantically until we started hanging out again and writing. For me, it just brought it back.”
So when did they start dating? Well, in 2019, the singers collaborated on another song called “Señorita.” Then, when the two stars were caught holding hands on July 3, 2020, it was all the confirmation fans needed. They were also spotted cuddling at a Fourth of July party the next day, and it definitely seemed like something was going on between them.
“I remember there was a time before we started dating, where I was like, ‘I don’t know what I should do. I don’t know if I should tell her how I feel or what I should do,’” Mendes later explained about the moment he decided to share his feelings for Cabello. “I was driving down the street and right in the moment when I was like, ‘OK, I’m not going to tell her,’ I passed a street that said, ‘Camila.’ I really believe in that stuff.”
But at first, the former Fifth Harmony member didn’t feel the same way.
“I just felt bad that I had — this person had been my friend for a really long time and we were really, really close. When he confessed that he had feelings for me things kind of got awkward because we weren’t together and so I felt like I was hurting him and I felt weird because it felt like we were kind of drifting away as friends,” she recalled to Entertainment Tonight Canada. “And everybody knows what it’s like when you have someone you’re very close with and I don’t know, they say they have feelings for you and the friendship feels tense suddenly. I felt really bad about hurting him, about hurting somebody that was my friend and was a big part of my life and then they weren’t as much anymore.”
She continued, “I had liked him, but he wasn’t ready. And so then he liked me, but I was not really there to like him in that way anymore, because I moved on. And I was just kind of angry about it because I was like, ‘Now you’re saying that you’re in love with me, you waited so long and now it’s too late.’”
After they did make things official, they quickly became couple goals.
“I think I’ve actually known him the longest out of anybody in the music industry — we’ve been in each other’s lives for like four or five years, and it’s been really beautiful to kinda grow up together. It’s actually a really beautiful feeling to know that this person is always going to be in my life, we’re always going to love each other,” Cabello gushed to Clash Magazine about her beau. ” I feel like it’s so rare to meet someone in this industry and find a person of that quality, and I feel like Shawn is that person for me. I just trust him, and no matter the level of intensity that he has around his career or I have, he is just normal, and that is so rare and precious to find in this industry. To be able to hang out with someone and you don’t really care that they’re Shawn Mendes, you know what I mean? You’re just people, and that is definitely something that is rare.”
Plus, during an interview with New Music Daily With Zane Lowe for Apple Music’s Beats 1, she opened up about the things she loved most about Mendes.
“I think that he has a very kind of pure, free energy,” Cabello explained. “Like he’ll say to me sometimes, ‘Oh, I had to talk to this person because it made my heart hurt.’ And I feel like he feels this need to kind of lift the weight of whatever is hurting him in order for him to be free. And I think that that’s really beautiful. That’s a trait that I’ve adopted, like whenever I feel like there’s a weird energy between me and somebody or if my heart is hurting for some reason, I’m like, ‘OK, what do I need to do?’ And I’ve noticed that about him.”
She continued, “I think it’s because of this purity that he has that I don’t think that he can lie or fake because it hurts his heart. He’s just, like, a very pure person and I think he’s constantly kind of lifting those weights off of him because he can’t live like that and I love that about him.”